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[#6.01]
Lorelai: Luke, will you marry me? Luke: What? Lorelai: Luke. Will you - Luke: Yes. Luke: We could toast. Lorelai: Toast! Yes. Toast! Good. What'll we toast with? Luke: Uh - Lorelai: I mean, I know you won't have champagne, but maybe some wine or beer or something? Luke: Nothing, I've got nothing! Lorelai: No, you must have something! Luke: Grapefruit juice and worcestershire sauce. Lorelai: Neither sounds very festive. Luke: I could cut it with some festive ketchup. Lorelai: Luke, did you find anything yet? Luke: Nothing. No wine, no beer, no cooking sherry. It's like Dylan Thomas just blew through town. Luke: Where are you going? Lorelai: I know the perfect toasting place. Luke: Far? Lorelai: Which one of us is not getting into the romantic spirit? Luke: The one with a caseful of chick beer under his arm. Luke: So when I said "what about the kids", I didn't mean "what about our kids". I mean, yes, obviously, what about our kids? But I didn't mean we had to have any kids. 'Cause we don't. But - we can, I just didn't want you to think that I was laying down some kind of a mandate. I mean, kids. It's plural, so it sounds like a lot. But we can just have one kid, one's fine, or more if you want more, or we don't have to have any kids. We could just get a plant. Luke: I bought a house, Twickham house. I bought it for us. I don't have it anymore. I could probably get it back, but I just thought you should know. I bought it. For the kids, that we don't have to have. It's a big house, and we don't have to fill it up with kids, you know? We could, we could get furniture. Go shopping for a couch, or get some end tables. I hat shopping for furniture. For me, kids are easier. Lorelai: I love shopping. Luke: Go to sleep. Lorelai: You bought a house without telling me? Luke: What? Lorelai: A house? I mean, a house is huge! Luke: Yeah, I know, that's why I told you. Lorelai: A house full of kids? Luke: No, a plant, don't forget the plant. Lorelai: Please don't do that, okay? Or, any other address or life changing decisions? Please include me in! Luke: I will. I am. I'm sorry. I won't. I will. Lorelai: Okay. Luke: Sorry. Lorelai: Kids would be good. Luke: Full moon! Moment's here, let's go! [#6.02] Luke: And they have those flashlight thingies. Lorelai: Yeah. That's the right name for those. Flashlight thingies. Luke: And Jedi powers of mind control, they can move things, so they're telekinetic, and they hover their jet saucers over molten lava, and they jump and fly around like they're in Cirque du Soleil. Luke: But what gives one Jedi knight the edge over the other, huh? The ultimate advantage? They stand on a mound of dirt and declare, "You can't win. I've got the high ground." Lorelai:Dude, if he said it, that's the way it is. It's a fictional world. Luke: He's four feet up a little slope! And that wipes out all the other guy's powers? The fly, jump around, move things with his brain, use the little flashlight thingy? Lorelai: You have got to learn the right term for that flashlight thingy. Luke: This has been bugging me. Lorelai: Since when do you not like dogs? Luke: Since all the times I made that really, really clear, which is every time I have ever been around a dog. Lorelai: What is there not to like about dogs? Luke: They're dirty. They're a pain to train. They're a pain to wash. They bark when they shouldn't. They jump on you when you don't want them to. They chew things. They shed. They lick themselves. They make your car smell. They make your house smell. And they make you smell. Lorelai: You know, I think it's very sad that you've lost the little boy in you. Luke: The little boy didn't like dogs either. Luke: No, and I said no! But she made me promise to think about it, and then she sat in the diner, staring at me, and then she started to cry, so I kicked her out! And then she went outside and cried, so I could see her through the window, and I couldn't take it anymore! So I said "Okay!" knowing we had weeks to figure out how to get out of it and no work could be done 'cause George hadn't made up the plans! And in the meantime, TJ could have changed occupations, or injured himself bouncing up and down on his trampoline, and backed out of the job! Lorelai: But how could you risk saying "okay" to anything with TJ? Luke: Did I mention the crying? Liz is a walking tear duct. Oh, TJ's good. You never see what's coming, like a big dumb tsunami. He's that good! Lorelai: So what do we do? Luke: I'm going to talk to TJ. But I'm going to be smart about it, I'm not going to spook him. I'm going to be like Michael Corleone dealing with that slimy brother-in-law of his. Get a couple of tickets to a ballgame. Invite him along and we'll talk about the beer and the hot dogs we're going to eat, and then I'm going to get him to admit that he did this. And then when we get in the car on the way to the ball park I'm going to put a rope around his neck and pull it 'till he's - dead! Lorelai: Wait, wait. You're in the back seat? Luke: Yeah, it's best for garroting. Yes. Lorelai: No, he's totally going to smell something fishy if you hop in the back seat, especially if you're driving. Luke: No, he's not that bright. It'll work! Lorelai: Why are you even buying the tickets? You could just sneak up on him and garrote him on the street, save you the money! Luke: I could still go to the game the other way! I'll take my friend Ed. He hasn't been to a game in ages. Lorelai: Hey, what's with the 'tude? Luke: Nothing. It's just - You know you've got a Frisbee up here? Lorelai: A what? Luke: A Frisbee just sitting up here! I mean, what are you thinking with that? Lorelai: It's not my Frisbee. Luke: So it just walked up here on its own. Lorelai: You shouldn't have told her! Luke: Yeah. You should have told her! Lorelai: No! She's not being told anything. So neither of us should have told her. Luke: But if one of us isn't going to tell her more, then I'm the one that shouldn't! Lorelai: Right! Meaning, not you! I should have told her. Luke: Then we're in full agreement. You should have told her. Lorelai: No, that's not what I'm saying! Luke: But you said it and I agreed, so I win. Lorelai: How do you win? Luke: Because I have the high ground. That gives me the upper hand on anything you got! Luke: Fine! Maybe I shouldn't have told her anything! Maybe I should have kicked her out, ignored her, whatever. But you've got to understand something. I'm in the middle! Yeah, she's your daughter, but I'm in the middle! Lorelai: I know. You are in the middle. Luke: Good. Because you've been acting like you don't know! Like you're alone in this or something! Lorelai: I know! Luke: And I know you don't want my opinion on this but you're both being dumb and you should be talking! There. I won't say anything more about any of this again, ever! |
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